


The Fear of the Truth

by BagelSFX



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Phandom, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, phadom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:18:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BagelSFX/pseuds/BagelSFX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil walks in on Dan having an existential crisis and he try's to help by getting him some support food. And Dan says something he probably shouldn't of said. This leaves Phil thinking all day about what happens until he finally burst and him and Dan get into an argument they try to just watch a movie to calm down when Dan falls asleep and tells a deep secret in his sleep. Read to find out what it is and how it affects their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear of the Truth

It was midday and I was just laying on my bed, browsing through Twitter on my phone when I heard a crash in the room next to mine. "Dan! are you okay?” I shouted out. No Response. “Dan!” I shouted once again as I decided to get up to check what had happened. I had to push my way out of the warm cocoon I had made around myself with my big blue confronter. 

Once I was out I quickly walked into Dan’s room to see him laying face down on the floor. “Are you okay?” I gently said as if he were a deer and I was going to scare him off. He just responded with a long and loud “Ugh” sound. 

It looked as if Dan was having another Existential Crisis. I hated when he had these I always feel mostly helpless. He has been my best friend for years and I cared about him a lot so it hurt seeing him in pain. I quickly walked to the kitchen and made two cups of tea and grabbed a bag of Maltesers, Dan’s favorite candy. Once I had finished making the tea I headed back to his room, carefully balancing the tea and candy trying not to drop it on myself. 

I walked in to see he was still laying on the ground face down. I sat the tea on the floor and then sat down beside him. “Dan I brought you some hot tea and maltesers” Dan didn’t move or make a single sound. “Look I know something is wrong and that I can’t do much but you're my best friend and I hate seeing you like this. Now please sit up and drink your tea and tell me whats wrong.” I moved the tea and the candy closer to him. He didn’t do anything for a few seconds but then he moved his hand over to the candy and put a few in his mouth and finally sat up. His face was empty and lifeless. He just stared at me while eating maltesers. “Okay look if you're going to eat your favorite candy at least be somewhat enthused.” I chuckled as I handed him his cup of tea. It was just a simple mug with cat whiskers on it. He took it in his hand and took a small sip. “Look I get it if you don’t want to talk but I'm not leaving you here alone to sulk around.” It looked as if Dan was about to crack a small laugh but he stopped himself before he started. 

"Phil, I just,” He paused, “I just feel like everyone knows every little part about my life, more than I even know half the time. I mean, I love our fans but, it’s just, I can’t even breath without someone thinking i’m bloody in love with you. I know it’s stupid, I should be used to this stuff by now I just-” 

I cut him off, “Dan I know how you feel, and it does get annoying, but with how close we are anyone would think we love each other.” 

"Yeah I know but it just gets tiring pretending to be someone I'm not Phil.” Dan said. 

"Wait what do you mean someone you're not?” I asked nervously. 

"I just, I.. I don’t know Phil.” He said in a anger fueled voice. 

"Okay jeez sorry for asking.” I quietly said. 

“I appreciate you being here but I would really like some time alone okay? I will be fine by dinner I promise.” He smiled.

I grabbed my cup of tea and told him that i was going to make some vegetarian Indian food for him for dinner, hoping that he would brighten up. I walked down into the lounge as I drank my tea. I wondered what he meant by “Pretending to be someone I'm not”, I didn't know. I decided not to dwell on it as i turned on the telly to watch Great British Bake Off alone. 

An hour or so has passed by while I was watching the telly and browsing Twitter on my phone at the same time. I locked my phone and put it in my pocket as I stood up to go into the kitchen. I gathered up the ingredients and started to make us dinner. While I was cooking, the thought of Dan saying “Pretending to be someone i’m not” kept drifting into my head. It was a crazy thought that didn’t make much sense, but was he hinting that he loved me? 

No! Dan and I were best friends and nothing more. Maybe it was just the crazy things the fans say getting to my head to even think that. It’s impossible, Dan Howell, in love with me? No, nope, no way possible… Or was it? I pushed the thoughts out of my head as I poured the food onto two normal black dinner plates. I pulled out my phone and texted Dan, “Hey, dinner is done.” and sent it. Moments later he texted me back “Okay :D” I’m not sure if dan is being sarcastic or not with the emoji, I guess I'll find out in about 30 seconds. 

I sat my plate on the dinning room table and headed back into the kitchen to put myself a glass of water. Dan walked in and smiled, “Jesus Phil this smells amazing!” He picked up his plate and poured himself a glass of water too. We both sat down at the table and ate dinner talking nonchalantly as if the conversation a few hours ago had never happened. 

I was about done eating when in the middle of the conversation I blurted out. 

“What did you mean when you said, I’m tired of pretending to be someone i’m not.” Dan was very quite when he said. 

“Phil please I don’t want to talk about this.” He got up and put his plate and glass in the sink. I followed and and asked him again.

"Seriously, what did you mean by that?” 

“Look Phil I said I don’t want to talk about it, can you please respect that? Now let’s go watch something on Netflix okay?” He said in hopes of getting me off the subject. But this whole thing was bugging the heck out of me, and honestly I’m not even sure why. I mean if Dan did love me or even if he didn’t it’s not like I would be mad at him. I mean I wouldn’t mind at all if he had feelings for me. 

Wait, what in the bloody hell am I thinking? He is my best friend and only that, nothing else. I decided it’s best not to push him with this situation and that we should just watch something maybe it will clear my mind. “Okay sure but I get to pick the film.” 

We ended up watching some silly movie that was so bad that it was funny. Dan looked really tired about half way through it and I guess I was right because not even five minutes after that he fell asleep where he was sitting. I decided to leave him alone and just finish the movie. 

It was about 11pm when it ended, and I stood up and stretched. I leaned over to wake Dan up so he could go sleep in his bed, when he suddenly started to speak in his sleep. "I’m sorry Phil." he said. What is he apologizing for? Curious to get some information out I replied.

"Sorry for what Dan?" He probably wouldn’t even hear me talking. I waited a few seconds and decided to just wake him up. I reached my hand over him and then suddenly he spoke again. 

"I’m sorry I ruined our friendship.” hearing those words made my heart drop to my stomach.

"What do you mean Dan, what did you do?” I asked with fear in my voice. He moved slightly in his sleep.

"I told you that I loved you.” My heart started beating really fast, and I felt like the room was spinning. What did he just say? He loves me? What? No way he must just be having a weird dream. I put my hand on his arm and shook him. 

"Dan wake up!” I shouted my voice was shaky. Did he just say he loved me? Is he being serious? 

"You spork why did you wake me up?” He demanded in a sleepy voice. God he sounded so cute, wait no you don’t say that about your best friend. 

"Uh, I didn’t want you to fall asleep on the couch, you really should go to bed in your room.” You could clearly hear that my voice was shaking. He sat up and opened his eyes with concern.

"Phil are you okay?” Shit he can tell something is wrong.

"Yeah I'm fine,” I lied to him as he gave me a disapproving look.

"Bull shit, I know when something is wrong with you and for god’s sake your voice was shaky as hell. Seriously whats wrong.” He demanded as he grabbed my arm and pulled me down to sit. 

Do I confront him on what he said? Will he get mad and deny it? Was it even real? “Phil?” I guess he can see the panic in my face because he give me a very concerned parent look. “Phil did you hear me in my- never mind” He cut himself off and looked at me with concern again. 

"I heard you.” I whispered. If my heart could explode now would be the time. 

“What did you hear?” He said softly as his voice starting to shake, we both know what he said. I just look at him and then look down at my feet. I feel like I'm going to throw up. “Phil, I like you. I mean I like like you.” His voice was very shaky. 

Is this even real? Am I asleep? This is crazy. 

"Are you okay?” is all I can manage to say. Dan looks devastated.

"Forget it I was just kidding with you.” He says hastily and gets up to leave. What am I supposed to do? Do I love him, do I even like him? I mean how would I even realize it if I did like him. We are constantly reassuring the fans we don’t like each other I guess I just force myself to not think that way about him. 

"Dan I didn’t mean it like that,” I stand up and grab his arm. He turns and looks back at me. “I just, I don’t know what to say or how to feel. We have just spent so much time trying to prove we aren’t in love I never thought about me and you like that. I mean I have thought about it but it seemed so outrageous that as soon as I think about it I push the idea out of my head I Just-“ He cut me off with a kiss to the lips. It didn’t last anything but a second, he pulled away and just looked at me with puppy dog eyes like he was going to burst into tears any second. My lips felt tingly and my stomach had butterflies, I’ve obviously been kissed before but I never felt like this before. In split second everything I had ever known seemed to of changed. All the lonely nights I had spent wanting someone’s hand to hold I never knew that that hand I wanted to hold was Dan’s It was like finally finding the last piece to the puzzle. Everything made sense, it all felt right. I looked at Dan and smiled and pulled him into another kiss this time it was longer and filled with a hungry passion. All the years I spent wanting someone I never knew the person I truly wanted was always just a few feet away. I truly was in love with him, I guess the fans were right after all


End file.
